Category Archives: News

George Michael Announces U.S. Tour

George Michael glimpsing a rest stop restroom outside of Columbia, SC while travelling south on I-95

June 16, 2010
By SEBASTIAN DUPREE

London, England–

George Michael, born Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou, best known as one half of the 80’s pop duo Wham!, and a top-selling solo artist in his own right, has announced this week that he will immediately begin a U.S. tour named Cruising Public Toilets.

“I’ve decided to kick off the tour during Pride Month,” explains Michael. “While it has traditionally been a flaccid month for tours and such, I believe I can pump a load of excitement into the public at large—or, at least, one at a time.”

When asked by The Stink what material he would be performing, Mr. Michael quickly clarified: “Oh no, It won’t be a traditional stage show. I’ll be cruising public toilets in parks, downtown areas of major cities and I already have a date set to perform in the public restrooms in Orlando’s Universal Studio’s City Walk on June 28th. His name is Keith.”

Michael said he first got the idea for the public tour back in April 1998, shortly after he was arrested for “engaging in a lewd act” in a public toilet in a park in Beverly Hills, California. “Things have changed a lot since then,” said Michael. “Nowadays, it seems a Gent can’t walk near a Republican congressman without getting his willy woolied.”

When The Stink pointed out that fans were anxious to hear some new music from the pop legend, Mr. Michael was quick to answer, “I really only sing in a few Catholic boys choir groups now. About 3-4 per day. That’s enough for me.”

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Ernest Hemingway’s Anal Beads Found in Kansas City Apartment

November 20, 2009
By SHELDON MCCRAYSTEIN

Kansas City, MO–

In an announcement Friday, noted Hemingway biographer and researcher, Matthew Buccoli, confirmed that several “personal items” found in a Kansas City apartment building once belonged to the Nobel Prize winning author. Buccoli said the items were found in an Armour Boulevard apartment that a young Ernest Hemingway rented while working as a cub reporter for the Kansas City Star newspaper.

“The collection of—ahem—exotic, erotic paraphernalia was found by a tenant who now lives in the apartment,” said Mr. Buccoli. “While installing a new heating duct, the tenant found a small box hidden in the base of a wall. Intrigued, he opened the box and found several beautifully handcrafted sexual ornaments; ornaments I would describe as Oriental in nature,” he said.

Buccoli hypothesized that Hemingway came across the items while visiting local opium dens, known to dot the city’s more perverse areas during Hemingway’s time in Kansas City. “As a reporter covering the local police beat, Hemingway would have been no stranger to such places, having done stories on the seedy underbelly of Kansas City,” said Buccoli.

Hemingway's are said to be solid Jade, strung on waxed linen, and much, much larger.

DNA tests on semen found on a deck of nude playing cards confirm that Hemingway had ejaculated on at least seven of the cards. According to sources, tests on the anal beads were inconclusive.

“We found some fossilized fecal matter on a set of carved jade beads—to be exact, we found matter on 4 of the 12 beads—but don’t yet know, and may never know, if Mr. Hemingway or another individual actually inserted the beads into his anal cavity,” said Dr. Patel Gounish, Director of Laboratory Investigations at the University of Missouri Kansas City.

Dr. Gounish theorized that whoever used the beads must be a “big guy” because the usual number of beads on a standard anal bead set usually number between 4 and 8. “Whoever used these bad boys had an insatiable capacity for life,” said Gounish. “Which, if you look at the myth, the legend of Mr. Hemingway, his whole life was taking in as much as he could: exotic locales, food, drink, women…anal beads.”

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A Big Hello to You All

It’s about time…we’ve waited far too long to get this blog up and running. We’ve talked about The Stink with a few of our friends in the word-banging business for years now. A place where they could post what they wouldn’t dare to shop to the paying publications. So we’ve agreed to pay them nothing, provided they write uncensored on pretty much any topic they choose. So sit back and enjoy the ride. It should be wild judging by the furtive emails we’ve received back to our solicitous queries from these black-hearted Beasts. God be with us all once they get started, ’cause we won’t stop ’em! You’ll notice a few names, and others will be new to you; but they’ve all had their licks, paid their dues and, a lucky few, got money to burn. So here we go…

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