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George Michael Announces U.S. Tour

George Michael glimpsing a rest stop restroom outside of Columbia, SC while travelling south on I-95

June 16, 2010
By SEBASTIAN DUPREE

London, England–

George Michael, born Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou, best known as one half of the 80’s pop duo Wham!, and a top-selling solo artist in his own right, has announced this week that he will immediately begin a U.S. tour named Cruising Public Toilets.

“I’ve decided to kick off the tour during Pride Month,” explains Michael. “While it has traditionally been a flaccid month for tours and such, I believe I can pump a load of excitement into the public at large—or, at least, one at a time.”

When asked by The Stink what material he would be performing, Mr. Michael quickly clarified: “Oh no, It won’t be a traditional stage show. I’ll be cruising public toilets in parks, downtown areas of major cities and I already have a date set to perform in the public restrooms in Orlando’s Universal Studio’s City Walk on June 28th. His name is Keith.”

Michael said he first got the idea for the public tour back in April 1998, shortly after he was arrested for “engaging in a lewd act” in a public toilet in a park in Beverly Hills, California. “Things have changed a lot since then,” said Michael. “Nowadays, it seems a Gent can’t walk near a Republican congressman without getting his willy woolied.”

When The Stink pointed out that fans were anxious to hear some new music from the pop legend, Mr. Michael was quick to answer, “I really only sing in a few Catholic boys choir groups now. About 3-4 per day. That’s enough for me.”

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